Gamer's Dish

(PS3, XBOX 360, Wii U)

Ok, so when I told Lee that we were going to review this game tonight, he threw the controller down and got really upset. He did NOT want to attempt this game. There is something acutely frustrating about this series. About never passing the tutorial level. I told him he had to, so he started the damned game.

So, the opening scene was cheesy and unoriginal, but that was to be expected. The weapons are about the same as before. Similarly lackluster and forcing you to time your attacks with an “x” button to do extra damage. Now that we’re in the UK they got to have fun with a bunch of (awful) British accents whining about how they don’t wanna die, and how “It’s a bloody ninja!” These poor blokes didn’t have a chance. I hate that everyone just calls him “ninja” over and over again, like we weren’t aware that this is a ninja game. It’s obnoxious and I want to punch whoever is in charge of acting direction in the face.

There isn’t a whole lot of strategy to the game. Just button mash until all the little guys are dead. You’re playing a man with no real care about anyone else. It’s really sort of sick. And I thought that ninja were supposed to be sneaky. He runs around with weapons out and kills everyone in his path, regardless of whether they are combatants or not.

Then, out of nowhere they throw you into a real-time cut-scene where we had to hit buttons throughout to see if we made it through alive or not. (Originality, psh! What’s that?!) And seriously, the voices in this make me want to scream.

I was waiting for the game to get all super hard, as its known for, but it didn’t really get all that crazy. I didn’t even want to commit homicide! I guess that could be construed as original content, for them at least.

The coolest bit of graphics in the game is when the Ki fills and you can release a special move called Ninpo, which looks like a super dragon made from fire. It was pretty damned awesome, but only because it was pretty, not because it was incredibly combat effective.

But here’s the kicker: A goddamned spider/crab boss fight. REALLY!?! Ugh! I’m sick of these bastards. Yeah, attack its legs, those are its weak points (as usual) and then when it can’t continue on, destroy the body. (As usual.) God it’s so repetitive, and borrows crap from every other crappy, repetitive game on the market.

I miss when ninja were cool.

This was a terrible game. Don’t waste your time or money.